I’ve decided one thing. I’m not gonna do what I don’t want to. やりたくないことはやらないことにしました。
When I tell this to someone, most people say like ‘That’s not right.’ or ‘You should try harder.’
Actually I used to think that I should be able to do what others are doing, and that I should work as hard as others. But you know, everyone is different and there are things that are not really for me. When they say ‘Don’t escape from difficulties,’ I can’t help doubting its meaning.
Suppose you’re an animal. If you are a lion, maybe you’re strong, you chase and catch and feed on others. But would you think that’s the case for a zebra, too? To be always brave, and to capture other animals for their meals? Maybe not. They feed on grasses on the ground. When they’re chased by others, they run, to protect themselves. That’s how they live, and no one blames them for that.
I know this was a too extreme example. The difficulties we humans face are usually not related with dead-or-alive matters, like those of the animal world. And I admit that there are tasks that we have to overcome to grow up ourselves. What I wonder is, should we really stand something just because others do? Why is it a bad thing to run away from stressful things to protect yourself?
There are different kinds of people. What a person can do well, is not always what another person can. Then, why not leave it to someone who is good at it? If you still really wanna cling onto it, it would be worth trying, even if you suck at it. Efforts don’t always pay but at least it helps. But why do it when you don’t want to and others can do it better?
What I’m saying is, there are difficulties that we don’t have to overcome. So in my case, I don’t want to wake up in the morning, I don’t wanna wear suits, I don’t wanna meet and talk to people, I don’t wanna go outside. It’s too much to call them ‘difficulties’, but they are tiny bits of stress in my daily life (except for hanging out with friends, of course). And I couldn’t find the values in my previous job that weigh more than all these things. Cos I knew there would be a more suitable job for me; working on my computer, alone at home, with my pajamas on, from the late afternoon till midnight - plus using English. Even if I can’t earn much money, it’s far better than sticking onto what I actually don’t want. And now I’m free to do whatever I want to try.
At the same time, there would be hardships that I have to get through, when it comes to what I really wanna do. But you know, ‘difficulties’ are not always the same as 'what you don’t want to do'. There are ‘challenges' that I wanna take on. As long as it’s a necessary task, I’d be happy to take it.
Maybe I sound so shit, especially for those who are working hard and having tough times. I do respect people trying hard and making efforts for their dreams, or maybe for their family, in spite of the difficult situation. But if you don’t know what you’re working for, or why you’re doing it, I think it’s one choice to just quit and look for something else that will make you happier.